UartSBee, Atmega breadboard arduino reset

I am using the UartSBee with a home-made Arduino style setup on a proto-board - Atmega 644, with the Sanguino bootloader. Can upload sketches to the chip, but I need to press the reset button and then upload within a few seconds. How do a I enable the auto-reset of the Arduino? I have tried connecting the DTR from UartSBee to reset pin of Atmega644 with a 100nF cap, and tried connecting it directly without the cap - neither method works, still have to press the reset button I have on the circuit in order to upload using Arduino IDE.

answering my own question here - - near the end of the page shows the circuit required to make the reset work