I installed the Espressif Esp-IDE, and then installed the drivers that came with it, and then uploading worked 
Thank you for your help. I did have to press the reset to make the program run, because I think it can’t hard reset or something, just a note for anyone reading.
Get Started - ESP32 - — ESP-IDF Programming Guide v5.2.3 documentation
dl.espressif.com/dl/esp-idf/?idf=4.4